Eyes on the Road

These last 6 weeks have been such a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions and staggering events. It feels like hurricane Sandy hit and my life as a sailboat is being tossed ferociously about.

Did I mention I turned 50? 1 week after my sister died. 2 weeks before my parents put their house on the market. 2 months before my husband’s job comes to an end.

Here is my horoscope for my birthday:

“The wind does not command the sailboat. If that were true, all boats would wind up in the same place. Don’t forget that you are the captain. The way you set your sails determines the direction you go.”

Now, I haven’t read my horoscope in YEARS. And boy was I thinking this really resonates with my life right now. Read it again, you’ll see. If we do not command our lives, we all end up in the same place . . .hmmm . . . out of all the things from this weird horoscope, that is the most intriguing. The metaphor is tried and true, but this is new information: All boats would end up in the same place.

I had a client up in Boone, NC a few weeks ago and there is road construction on the side of the mountain in Blowing Rock that makes my stomach churn every time I drive through it. The ONLY way I can drive this winding road with little between me and a 1000 ft drop is to keep my eyes on the center line. One glance to the shoulder to indulge my curiosity about just what is over the edge and I would plummet in a heartbeat. I’d literally hit bottom, wouldn’t I?

Eyes on the road.

Set my sails.

To where? It feels like I am just randomly driving sometimes. Am I tacking into the wind? Back and forth, back and forth – looking like a drunken driver, but with my eyes on my destination? slant left, slant right, starboard, port, left, right.

Eyes on the road.

Set my sails.

What is it that drives me? I try not to make this too complicated. Certainly not the winds of recent fates. I love my family and I love my work. But my family’s life will be disrupted as we move this summer. And exactly where to?